I’m in the very throes of a disturbing college flashback slash existential crisis. (Yawn) But not necessarily the college experience I had. More like the one that I probably should have had if I had been prone to those pesky details nobody mentioned. Details like going to class, studying, and actually being able to find my way to the library.
With Dad’s health completely inconsistent and the Spin Doctors being played on DC’s classic rock station, I’ve been thinking a lot about just how old I am. Yesterday, my mother actually asked me whether I wanted to be cremated or buried after death. I don’t think she anticipated the twenty-minute reply I gave her, detailing how she should definitely have me cremated unless my death occurred under suspicious circumstances, and then, no matter what lines they feed her about not being able to find my killer despite a wealth of evidence, she should have me pickled and buried until science and technology catch up with his sorry ass and my lifelong dream of being on a true-crime cable show one way or another is ultimately realized.
Shhh…I’m going to whisper this…
Sometimes I hate the internet.
Ok, so I totally love being able to keep in touch with distant friends, shop for shoes at 3am, look up a medical diagnosis without the copay and get my People.com fix. That stuff I adore.
And the blogging? Oh, where do I begin?
Dear Texas Lotto –
I don’t play you (ever), because I think that you are a gigantic waste of time and money. I feel sorry for people who buy a lottery ticket every day, and win (on average), five bucks a month for their troubles. This is sort of in the same vein as that time I went down to the gambling boats in Shreveport, Louisiana for my 21st birthday. Instead of finding glamour and excitement, I instead happened upon gray-haired people gambling away their Social Security money (which I will probably never see), and toting around their portable oxygen tanks.
I remember the first time I got married. I thought we would be in love together, forever. I thought all our little quirks and wrinkles would smooth out. I thought the way we argued, we would figure out a way to get past that.
Before the days of DVR and TiVo, and back when there was only Must See TV or summer reruns, I came up with what I thought was an ingenious idea to guarantee evening viewership. The concept was so stunningly simple that I could not believe it had not been done earlier. The concept was interconnected storylines, and of course this would take place during Sweeps after very heavy cross-promotion.
I’m typically not a very sentimental person. I can do without all the Hallmark Holidays. The only feelings I care about are the ones that are unsolicited and genuinely offered, the ones that don’t have to be coaxed or coached, or require an appointed day.
[An excerpt]
Day 1:
I shall begin my journey on the morrow. My spirits are high. I have purchased a camel to serve as transport for myself and my supplies through the desert. (I have named him “Murray”.) God willing, I shall return from my journey through the vast expanse of my brain with some sort of idea for a blog post. I relish the coming adventure.
Great story. You did a good job with the dialogue here.February 1, 9:00 am by Anastacia Campbell
